First there is the requisite setup intro of the season that shows Ashley/Brad/Ali/whoever working out and looking awesome [to borrow our Bachelorette’s favorite word] and running around LA in cute outfits. She is totally over Brad and out of Africa, ready for love! She had to face the same monster of insecurity that plagued Ali and now she is “super excited” and convinced that she deserves to be loved. You do Ashley! Because you are size negative 4, have wicked awesome dance moves, and a sparkling personality. What, she’s also a dentist? Or in dental school? Whatever! ABC devoted two seconds to that nonsense, they need something sexier like…a shot of Ashley hip-hop dancing. And end intro scene.
Let’s meet the gentlemen shall we?
Here are the guys that scored their own backstory intros:
Ryan: solar energy exec- cool job!
Looking for the only thing stronger than the power of the sun: LOVE
Cheesy but I thought it worked. Especially when he made a heart with his hands around the burning SoCal sun. He made a great impression on Ashley, earning the first impression rose. He was the first out of the limo and the first to steal Ashley away for some one-on-one time.
JP: construction manager
Tired of the stale NY dating scene. Nickname is cupcake. Ashley has always wanted to be called cupcake by her husband: a recipe for love?
Ames: finance. Went to a few little schools. Maybe you’ve heard of them…Yale, Columbia and Harvard. Visited 70+ countries. Ran 39 marathons. Gifted Ashley with ballet tickets. I like!
Ben 1: lawyer from New Orleans. Speaks French. Funny. Plays the piano. Self-described romantic: “On a scale from 1 to 10, I’m a 15. Or 215.”
Ben 2: winemaker from Sonoma (woo!) Josh Groban look-alike. Wants to model life after parents’ happy marriage. Dad passed away 6 years ago.
Bentley: THE VILLAIN! That’s all you need to know. Ugh fine. “Businessman” from Salt Lake City. Runs a family fun center (Funworks?) Divorced single dad, but you wouldn’t know it from his promo which featured him with his dog instead of his daughter. Who is named Cozy. I hate him already. In it for the competition rather than the right reasons ™
Anthony: 4th generation butcher from Jersey. Only one of the guys to really ask how Ashley was doing during limo meet-cutes.
West: lawyer from SC. Gorgeous house. Wife and soulmate Sarah died of a seizure. (This is a very tragic season of Bachelorette- steel yourselves!) Gifted Ashley a broken compass stuck on West. Great tie-in for parent company’s Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. In theaters now!
William: cell phone salesman from Ohio. Good Luck Chuck guy- 7 or 8 previous girlfriends go on to marry the guy they date after him. Dad passed away from cancer. Does impressions- annoying or not? Too early to tell.
The rest of the guys:
Jon: e-commerce exec. I loved the purple tie.
Lucas: Odessa, TX. Does something in oil field industry.
Mickey: chef. Dylan McDermott doppelganger. Kissed her upon meeting! What?!
Tim: liquor distributor of “wine and spurs”. Got SUPER drunk and ruined his chances. He will regret it in the morning. And this is the season of No Regrets, so get out! Thanks for playing.
Chris D: sports marketer (I wonder which team???) Performed a “rap”
Rob: tech exec
Stephen: hairstylist from Huntington Beach. Looks exactly like Ben 2 and/or Josh Groban.
Matt: office supply salesman from MA- hey we’ve got a Jim here! Taught Ashley a best friends handshake. Called his mom.
Jeff: The Mask! Entrepreneur from MO. Nemesis of Drunk Tim. In case you missed it, he’s wearing a mask- supporting evidence provided by organ music and dramatic upshot camera angles.
Frank: college admissions officer. Danced. Kiss on hand.
Michael: tech salesman
Chris: construction CEO. From Canada eh!
Ryan: construction estimator. Conducted impromptu photo shoot. Then made Ashley promise to get him a picture of Chris Harrison (the real reason these guys are here comes out!) Tacky.
Nick: personal trainer from FL. Poem.
Blake: fellow dentist from SC
Constantine: restaurant owner from GA. Tied dental floss around Ashley’s finger so she’d remember to find him. Looks like a vampire or an earl, which are basically your only options if your name is Constantine.
Debriefing with Chris Harrison
Chris: What scares you the most?
Ashley reiterates her greatest fear that the guys will be disappointed she is the Bachelorette. They’re not there for the right reasons ™. She’ll let them down…? I doubt they will be let down by a cute dancing dentist, Ashley. Come on! Anyway, Ashley also revealed that she knows Bentley is there for the wrong reasons. A mutual friend texted her that he was bad news and one to avoid. Quick googling reveals it was none other than....Michelle Money, drama queen extraordinaire of Brad's season. The important thing to remember is that Ashley has been warned.
Cocktail Party
Cocktail Party
Almost all of the guys admit in their talking head confessionals a variation of ‘She’s pretty…so I could see myself marrying her.’ But there was one who stood alone and was not as interested in what’s on the outside- that’s sooo superficial. He does know this is the Bachelorette right? Basically booze, exotic dates, kissing, but most importantly looks! That would be Jeff aka The Mask aka Batman (sometimes). Wearing the mask was polarizing and gave the guys an excuse to unleash the cattiness:
What is he hiding?
What the *** is that?
It’s creepy!
Take it off!
I don’t like masks.
I’m going to avoid that guy.
All to which Jeff said: I knew this would happen. It looked like Drunk Tim was going to come to blows with The Mask because….Drunk Tim was super drunk. It would have been completely unprovoked. Jeff was just standing there. I was saying ‘Get out of there!’ and eventually Jeff slinked off into another room accompanied by organ music. Phew. Crisis averted.
Rose Ceremony
Eliminated:
1. Anthony the butcher. I felt really bad for this guy. He seems nice, but maybe misunderstood. Like Nicolas Cage’s baker in Moonstruck. Do I think he and Ashley had anything in common? No. But it was still sad. In Jersey accent: “I’m a little pissed off right now…I’ve been single so long, I don’t know how to feel anymore.” Oof.
2. Rob. He could have seen himself marrying her. But ABC gave me no info on him, so not too torn up about it.
3. Jon and his awesome purple tie. No! He should have earned a million bonus points for the purple tie! His was also a hard exit to watch: “What am I doing wrong? What’s wrong with me? She could have been the one.” Crying, quick exit off-camera. L
Preview of season
Las Vegas! Thailand! Taiwan! Hong Kong! Fiji!
The rest of it alternated between Ashley screaming or crying. Bentley looks like he will live down to the text message warning Ashley chose to ignore: “I thought it would be Emily.” Ashley’s greatest fear comes to life! It also looks like someone might die? Stay tuned!
No comments:
Post a Comment