Ryan gets the first one-on-one date and is saved from Muscle
Beach, also known as the “frathouse from hell on steroids.” Ryan’s pastor says:
treat your lady like a queen and she’ll treat you like a king.” Well no
argument there, Ryan’s pastor. While Ryan dreams of an extravagant plane or hot
air balloon date, Emily actually has a day of groceries and cookie-baking in
mind…which was sort of a fake-out.
After dropping off the baked goods at Ricki’s soccer game and a quick costume change, it appeared half of Charlotte turned up paparazzi-style to witness the pair have a fabulous dinner. But that wasn’t all: Gloriana was there to serenade Ryan and Emily as they slow-danced, and I’ll admit I was grinning like an idiot during this segment. Rose, natch.
Let's Set the Stage for Love: Group Date
Emily and the guys perform alongside the Muppets to raise money for a children’s hospital. The group was divided into three subsets
who would be: -
Singing
-
Dancing or
- Performing a stand-up comedy routine
To me, this was a little *ahem* unfair because coming up
with a stand-up routine seems much more difficult than a little shimmying. The
prospect of public speaking reopens Charlie’s insecurity about his speech
following the brain injury. Even a pep talk from Fozzie Bear proves futile, so
Charlie asks Emily if he could transfer to the group singing Rainbow Connection which she assures him is no trouble at all. The show goes off without a hitch.
I liked Jef with One F’s impromptu proposal to Miss Piggy.
I laughed at Statler
and Waldorf Chris Harrison’s banter: “It wasn’t half bad!...It was all
bad!”
I cried when Emily invited Ricki onstage to sing Rainbow Connection with Kermit. And the performance raised over $20,000. So I’d agree it wasn’t half bad. J The after-party however
was a different story…
Chris (bobblehead/ young Randy Quaid) seeks reassurance from
Emily who tells him he’s “good looking.” But she also confesses to the camera
that Brad was crazy good-looking and that didn’t exactly work out. Jef with One
F is playing hard to get, which earns him a rose. Stevie the party MC starts slow-dancing with Emily.
Instead of using the obvious steal ‘Can I cut in?’ Charlie instead tells
the rest of the guys what’s going on, they ALL go spy on Stevie and Emily, then
Kalon goes in for the kill. Of course because it’s Kalon, EVERYONE hates this
but no one more than mortal enemy MC Stevie. Kalon goes on to do everything in his
power to un-endear himself to all the single fathers (echo: All the single
fathers!) by DARING to suggest that they have put their dad-ness on hold. WHOA
WHOA WHOA: JUST CHECK IT. You are cruisin’ for a bruisin mister. 
Long story short, "Chopper" cements himself as the resident villain from every teen 80’s movie: rich, arrogant and James Spader.
Come Close to My Heart: Joe
They literally roll out the red carpet for Joe aka Mini McConaughey who, despite an unfortunate shirt, is escorted via private jet and vintage car to the Greenbrier Resort in Emily’s home state of West Virginia.
 |
| What?? |
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| That's better! |
Mixer/ Rose Ceremony
Ryan with a Rose causes an uproar – AN UPROAR! – because Tony
(Mini Steve Carrell) stays IN THE ROOM while Ryan with a Rose reads a seven
page letter- nay, novel. Uncomfortable! Even more uncomfortable is Charlie
live-blogging the situation, giving a voice to the awkwardness. Other factoids:
Arie once dated a single mom with not one but two children. Again, no one likes
Kalon or his Louis Vuitton luggage. Just in case you forgot.Eliminated:
Aaron the biology teacher
Kyle…who is Kyle?
Next WeekChris gets the daredevil date: rappelling!
Someone makes an ostrich egg omelette
