Bachelorette Desiree Ep 4: Atlantic City

Chris Harrison appears like the mischievous sprite he is to announce the thirteen remaining guys will be heading to Atlantic City, or as Zak K calls it: “Las Vegas on the beach!” Drew is smoldering in a purple hoodie. The rest of the guys wear inconsequential colors.

Brad: Let Our Love Shine Through

Brad scored a fun date: midway games and coasters on the Boardwalk and a saltwater taffy demonstration.

The other men were tortured by able to see Desiree and Brad’s date from the gazillionth story of their penthouse suite. They serve as a Greek chorus and comment that Brad is very “reserved” around the house.

Unfortunately, Brad is also pretty reserved during dinner conversation without the background hum of carnies and a GIANT sandcastle/fortress.

 

Desiree, grasping at straws, suggests they climb to the top of a lighthouse for a beautiful view. This, however, proves a gargantuan task and she ends dumping Brad midway up the lighthouse. At least he only had to descend half the stairs…? I thought Desiree worded the rejection speech very well: “You will find someone amazing who will complete your family.” She was not hesitant about Brad advancing because he was a single father, but she felt she was not the right fit for this insta-family.

Group Date: Looking for My Mr. Right

During what was easily the most entertaining portion of the show, the daters were forced to compete in The Bachelorette version of a Mr. America pageant at Boardwalk Hall.

They were judged in three areas:

• Interview
• Talent
• Swimsuit [insert wolf whistle here]

The competition was in front of a live audience because as Michael G the secretly witty prosecutor quipped, “I always dreamed of being Mr. America…but it would be a waste of my time without an audience!” HA.

Chris Harrison introduced young Michael Cain a fabulous pageant coach to prep the guys.

 

 

A random collection of items from which the brave souls must display a “talent” lay ominously on a folding table.

These included: roller skates, tap shoes, a baton, a guitar, ukulele, ribbon, women’s size 14 heels and shame. Lots of shame. Drew describes it as a “hodgepodge of tomfoolery.” A lover of purple AND words? Be still my heart. (I found Drew on Twitter! @DrewKenney)

Juan Pablo is surprisingly good at baton…has he been taking lessons on the sly with legendary Bachelor baton twirler Kaci B?? Sigh, so many Miss Congeniality parallels, so little time.

During interview prep Brooks laments, “This is hard!” #thatswhatshesaid

The three judges were:

• Desiree
• The mayor of Atlantis Atlantic City
• The reigning Miss America

The INTERVIEWS are relatively uneventful aside from:

1. Chris having a Gollum-style discussion with himself about the acceptable number of times per week to take a lady out to dinner

2. Juan Pablo casually revealing that he has a daughter

3. Mikey T is tired of being seen as JUST A PIECE OF MEAT, ladies! If you prick him, does he not bleed?? The guys backstage laugh hysterically at this talk of “crying on the inside.” Curse this infernal outer beauty!!! I am right there with you Mikey T. Except not.



I AM NOT A PIECE OF MEAT!!

The TALENT segment is where things really picked up:

Kasey- tap dancing

Brooks- ukulele playing…and smashing! Sang about being super white. It’s a burden, man. Thank God Twilight came out and made us look “cool.” Sure the acting was deplorable and technically they were monsters, but boy were they were cool. Literally. HA #nerdalert

Mikey T- acting like JUST A PIECE OF MEAT. Honestly, pec bouncing after your inner-beauty tirade? For shame, Mikey T!

Drew- on the opposite end of the spectrum: reciting Shakespearean monologue from Romeo and Juliet. Again, be still my heart.

Chris- high heels, hula hoops and a heaping helping of shame

Bryden- was he stripping?! What WAS that? Whatever it was involved thrusting in black boxer briefs in front of the mayor. Minus 50 cool points.

Zak W- “I’ve already written a poem about my experience on the show and the decision Desiree must make. So I thought I’d just set it to music.” Sure, no problem. Picks up guitar- sings beautifully. Legitimate talent; by far my favorite. He is growing on me week to week.

 

• Winner: Kasey
• 1^st Runner Up: Zak W
• 2^nd Runner Up: Brooks

Zak W was ROBBED!! But as he pointed out, the date rose is what’s really important.

Afterparty: Pool

Chris (not Harrison): I write poetry! [Reads some of his “poetry”]
Desiree: Me too! Oh my gosh, that was…SO GOOD.
KISSSSSS
Me: [Eyeroll]



Girl, these loafers are SOOOO much more comfortable than heels!

 

Bryden hates Ben because “he makes everything weird!” Bryden is not alone.

Brooks: Guys! Don’t look now…but Desiree is with BEN!!

Ben and Desiree are in the shallow end of the pool right next to everyone else reclining in barcaloungers. The Others are mad because Ben doesn’t take Des out of their line of vision. It’s like they’re ALL dating the same woman!! Wait a minute…

Zak W plays the rest of his song for Desiree. Where did that guitar come from? Who cares, it was awesome! Either the pool house acoustics are not as good as Boardwalk Hall or Zak is letting his nerves get the best of him. Eh who am I kidding- I blame the pool house and not our unflappable Texan.

Zak W gets that date rose. You go Glen Coco! Snap snap. Well deserved, sir.

Bryden is in a sour mood because not only is Ben awful, but Desiree did not talk to him ALL NIGHT LONG. He’s even thinking about self-terminating. Hang tough, B.

Meanwhile back at the suite...James decides to capitalize on his alone time and take a relaxing bubble bath to prep for tomorrow's date.

James: Can Our Love Weather the Storm?

Red Cross representative Jackie takes Des and James on a helicopter ride to survey the damage caused by Hurricane Sandy. Des and James are introduced to older couple Manny and Jan, who lost their home to the storm.


The younger couple sidebar outside and decide to give their extravagant dinner/dancing Atlantic City date to Manny & Jan, who are approaching their 39^th wedding anniversary.

Of course, the older couple LERVed this act of generosity (who wouldn’t?) but the surprises didn’t end there: the Red Cross was able to restore Manny & Jan’s wedding album. They thought their wedding pictures had been destroyed in the storm; the couple tearfully thanked Red Cross and ABC and Jan said, “I thought this had been lost forever and I wanted to pass it down to my granddaughter- now I can!”

They dance the night away at a private concert by Darius Record. OK I’ll admit it, I cried. I loved this segment! I wish Bachelor/ette would take this humanitarian/real world issues route more often.

It is a sobering date, but one that brings Desiree and James closer together and turns into a more low-key, real-world date. James is so comfortable that he even reveals that he cheated on his girlfriend of 5½ years during his freshman year of college. YIKES. Despite Desiree identifying with the ‘cheatee’ James manages to weasel his way out of this by begging “full disclosure/complete honesty/blablabla” capped off with this little gem:

“A man can’t really love until his heart’s been broken. And breaking hers broke mine.”
OOOooohhh ok. That’s completely fine then.
Cue Desiree: I trust you.
Cue me: Eyeroll.
Rose.

 Rose Ceremony

Diabetes Michael completes an acronym of Desiree’s name listing her positive attributes…and adds a G to the end for his last name. WooOOoo. Fun with words, I love it!

Bryden speaks to Desiree and reveals he doesn’t think his feelings are up to speed and where they should be at this point in the competition show. Des thinks their connection is worth exploring further.



What was all that one in a million talk?!

Eliminated:

Zak…K. Texan Zak W lives to sing another week.



I get to stay another week???

Next Week

The men head to Munich, Germany- ausgezeichnet!
James is angling for the next Bachelor?
Ben-mageddon!!!

Mousecellaneous

Baby Bachelor (Jimmy Kimmel)