Episode 4: Bermuda, Bahamas, Come on Pretty Mama

 Welcome to the Bahamas!

Let Our Senses Lead the Way: Doug
As the guys settle in to their new Bermudian digs at the Rosewood Tuckers Point Hotel, Doug gets the first one-on-one datecard for a day of laidback shopping on St. George. The guys are ribbing Doug because he is apparently easily stressed out. Just as Arie has almost provoked Doug to the point of shedding his Bruce Banner façade in favor of the Hulk, Emily comes a-calling. During the date, we learn that Doug was raised by his grandfather and his son’s name is Austin.

Emily and Doug took part in the Bermudian tradition of the Moon Gate, which is basically a wishing well that you walk through. Emily aims for the stars and wishes to not remain single forever. Over dinner, Emily worries that Doug may be similar to Brad in that he is “too perfect,” but he assures her that “[he is] just Doug.”

He confesses to the camera that he really wants to kiss Emily, but he moves pretty slowly. In fact, he has never made the first move, so he may be waiting for a while. Nevertheless, rose for Doug.

Let's Get Naut-y Group Date

The game’s afoot! As Kalon schmoozes that sailing is his element, it turns out none of our bachelors have any previous nautical experience. The group is divided into two teams: the winners will spend the evening with Emily and the losers will be shuttled back to the hotel. The two teams are neck and neck, but

Arie’s racing experience comes in handy and by holding back on the final turn, the yellow team is able to pull off a win.

Arie, Kalon, Ryan and Jef With One F change for dinner. Ryan makes a cringe-worthy toast to his “possible trophy wife” Emily.

No touching!

Everybody loves a Dutch boy's tulips

Arie steals Emily for a makeout session on the beach.

Jef With One F is up next, but no kissing for this Gleek.

Ryan voices his annoyance at Arie for kissing Emily last week, comes off as impossibly self-righteous and judgmental. He keeps reiterating that his relationship with Emily “has a lot of depth,” but I’ve seen no evidence of this. Ryan continues to quote former coaches, pastors, self-help gurus and Spiderman: with great power comes great responsibility…so don’t blow it Emily! Rose for Jef With One F. I don’t know why. Meanwhile at the Rosewood Hotel an epic battle between young and old unfurls as Chris and Doug exchange words about what it means to be mature… ironically.

Bermuda Love Triangle Date: Nate vs. Wolf

The dreaded two on one: two men enter, one man leaves. Nate and Wolf seem equally not ready to get married as Nate is fresh off a breakup and Wolf just wants to keep up with all of his married friends who are beginning to have children. Nate, Wolf and Emily go cliff-diving, then head to Crystal Cave for dinner.

Is this quinoa?

Both men seem to be reading from the same script and cite not having enough time and Emily doesn’t know the real me blablabla. In his one-on-one time, Nate talks about his parents’ 30-year marriage, how awesome his brother is and starts crying. Emily worries he is too young for an insta-family. Wolf basically says he won’t jump through hoops to impress her because it is not in his nature, but he’s old so he gets the rose.

Mixer

Ryan corners Emily and launches into Round Two of ‘Are You Worthy of Ryan?’ I’m paraphrasing, but basically in his mind he is such a catch, that Emily better measure up to him. He confides in Michael Longlocks that even if it doesn’t work out with Emily, perhaps he can get his own spin-off show of The Bachelor because “that would be fun for everyone to watch my journey of love.” It starts raining outside. Emily kisses Sean and for once does NOT kiss Arie, but admits to thinking about him whenever she has downtime. Meanwhile Round Two of Young Chris vs. Old Doug is in full swing. Chris thinks if he doesn’t get a rose tonight, it will be Doug’s fault. This tiff was exaggerated in promos and it ends anti-climactically with Chris muttering “I don’t believe you!” to a composed Doug.

Best Dressed: Emily

Worst Dressed: Jef With One F

Debriefing with Chris Harrison

Emily whines ‘Everyone keeps being so sweet that I can’t eliminate them!’
Time to bring in Chris Harrison to ask the hard questions:

Chris H: Is there any romance with Jef [With One F]?

Emily: I hope so! He hasn’t tried to kiss me, but I feel like it’s there.
CH: But you can’t stop kissing Arie…
E: (Laughs)…it’s true.
CH: What about Alejandro?
E: He’s probably not ready to be a dad. There’s some other drama in the house but I have a sixth sense as a woman and they’re not fooling me.
CH: Like who?
E: Ryan can be manipulative and he thinks I’m falling for his act. But I’m not.
CH: Time to quit being a hostess and start being real! Seacrest out.

Rose Ceremony

Sorry Charlie and Michael Longlocks. I really thought Travis and Alejandro would go home this week. Of course I always hope Kalon will be sent packing and next week I might get my way…

Next Week

London!
Great dates for Sean and Jef With One F
Ryan gets a kiss (Emily, why?)
Doug tells on someone who calls Ricki “baggage” and I think that someone is Kalon