Bachelorette Desiree Ep 1: Just Like Cinderella!

 

Desiree is so nice. Desiree is so beautiful…I HOPE SHE FINDS LOVE!!!

This was a recent conversation with my grandma. I get it Grandma. Desiree is like the perfect woman (unless you are Sean). I just hoped she would get bangs again. And find true love and stuff I guess. But only if there’s tons of *DRAMA*, traveling, knock-out fights and knock-out clothes. There is?! Great, let’s start the show!

Desiree is so humble.

The season kicked off with a car commercial. No? Oh that’s Desiree pulling into her sweet new Bach’ette Pad driveway in a too-long establishing shot.
Chris Harrison gave her the grand tour and in voiceover we are reminded by Desiree that she had a super humble childhood. We know this because her first childhood picture prominently features a cement pad and garden hose.

Also, one of the pictures is shown twice. What is this, 20/20? There may have been other better pictures, but ABC deemed these the most humble of them all…which happens to play perfectly to Desiree’s Cinderella backstory. This also makes Chris Harrison gifting her the extravagant digs and a BABY BLUE BENTLEY even more exciting. Are you sure this isn’t a car commercial?

We are subjected to footage of Sean rejecting Desiree for Catherine, who would later go on to win the competition Sean’s heart. Desiree seems unfazed and proclaims that love – like the truth – is out there!

Desiree is so positive. Why can’t you be more like Desiree, Jennifer? I’m really trying Grandma. I’m even watching old Dawson’s Creek clips and SNL skits to get the mannerisms down.

Desiree is so well-rounded.

Desiree is shown performing miscellaneous “hobbies” like rollerblading around Santa Monica in a bikini and booty shorts – honestly, who hasn’t done that? – sketching, driving down the Pacific Coast Highway, feeding seagulls and trying on heart-shaped sunglasses, all to the strains of "Crazy Beautiful" by Andy Grammer. It is especially obvious in the aerial shots of Des driving down PCH why the baby blue Bentley was an absolute necessity. Yes, necessity.

Debriefing with Chris Harrison

Chris: What are you looking for Desiree?

Desiree: Communication is the biggest thing. Companionship. Cuddling. Anything that starts with the letter C.

Chris: Mmyeah. Good luck with that.

Meet the Bachelors

Like Desiree, the men are all REALLY positive. Most are also from the Midwest and/or ad men. The following men receive their own B-footage (Bachelor footage, natch!) Spotlights:

Bryden*- 26, Missoula MT, Iraq War veteran, German shepherd.

I am obsessed with this guy!
Will- 28, Chicago, banker, practices Bikram yoga, fan of high fiving passers-by.
Shouts “I love this woman!” This woman, of course, being Desiree. Whom he has not met.
Drew*- 27, Scottsdale AZ, digital marketing.
Tragic backstory: Parents divorced when he was 8, mentally handicapped sister, alcoholic dad.
Nick R- 26, Chicago, tailor/aspiring magician seeking lifelong assistant. Ugh.
Zak W- 31, Miko TX, drilling fluid engineer (?) aka Naked Cowboy.
I’m looking for someone who enjoys life as much as I do…which apparently translates to drinking coffee naked on his balcony as deer awkwardly pass by.

Robert*- Los Angeles, the brain behind sign spinners, or “advertising entrepreneur,” sporty.

Alias: Liam Hemsworth

Mike*- 27, Dallas, Air Force/dental student, born & raised in London
Brandon- 26, Costa Mesa, painting contractor, extremely sporty…more sporty than Robert.
Tragic backstory: Dad left, Mom struggled with addiction, raised by grandparents.

 

After a “getting ready” montage, Des emerges looking resplendent in silver.

Limo Exits

Drew- Nervous & adorable
Brooks- Marketing executive. Very nervous & awkward, earns “awkward marimba music” edit.
Brad- 27, Denver, accountant. Wishbone meet-cute.
Bryden- keeping it simple, “I’m so glad it’s you!”
Michael C- 33, Miami Beach, federal prosecutor. Tried to retrieve Desiree’s penny from fountain. During Sean’s season. Dude, I’m sure that fountain has been cleaned since then!



Kasey- 27, San Luis Obispo, ad exec. “Hashtag guy” wore tennis shoes with suit.
Will- Dubs Desiree “Athena” for the Greek goddess of wisdom. Demands matching Greek god name.
Mikey T- 30, Winfield IL, plumbing contractor. Defended Desiree’s brother- you know, the one that ruined her chances with Sean.
Jonathan- 26, Hickory NC, lawyer. Fantasy Suite pervert.

Zak W- CRAYZEE EYES!! Exits limo shirtless and asks Desiree, “Will you accept these abs?” (She would.) The guys quipped, “Well at least he has his pants on.”

 

Larry- 34, Berkley, ER doctor. Hipster glasses, attempted a dance spin with Desiree that ripped her dress. His chances after that were also dashed.

Nick R- Turns a napkin into a white rose = MAGIC! Cool? No.
Zak K- 28, Newport Beach (O.C., Holla!) book publisher. Wore suit with Chuck Taylors.

Diogo- 29, Lake Tahoe, ski resort manager. Wore knight’s armor. Zak Crazy Eyes McShirtless LOVES it! The rest of the guys think it’s lame. Mostly because Diogo can barely walk in it.

Chris- 27, Seattle, mortgage broker. Fakeout proposal to tie shoe- just like Jim on The Office. Used so many puns!

Mike R “Evil Taylor Lautner”- Arrives in white coat, “I’ll be your McDreamy!”

Robert- Tie be gone!

Juan Pablo- Venezuelan former pro soccer player. Gives Desiree chocolate and sounds like Spanish Buzz Lightyear.

Brandon- Revs up in a motorcycle.


Brian- 29, Balitmore, financial advisor. Rockin a velvet evening jacket and fancy pants with sparkles on the rear. Looks like Nick from New Girl.

Micah- law student
Nick M- 27, NC, investment advisor. Wearing his own “designer suit” and read a poem. At least I think it was a poem.

Dan*- 30, Las Vegas, beverage sales.


Ben/Brody- 28, Dallas, entrepreneur. Brody the “cutest 4 year old in the world” exits the limo first, then strides up to Desiree hand in hand with his dad to offer her a flower. Then he’s escorted off the Bachelorette Compound by grandma with a whiny “I want to go to the party!” No.

* I like him/he seems normal

Mixer

Nick R rather cleverly steals Desiree away for the night’s first one-on-one time™ under the guise of performing a magic trick. TA- DA! Tragic Backstory Brandon gives Desiree his mom’s 7 years sober coin, to return to her on the hometown dates. Chris Harrison allows Desiree the same freedom afforded Sean in doling out roses throughout the night versus waiting until the rose ceremony. Single dad Ben earns the first rose of the night. He reveals he had Brody with his “best friend” but they never married. Weird. Brian Sparklepants reveals he has bought Desiree a star and dubbed it: DesOrion! HA. Crazy Eyes McShirtless jumps in the pool…and is left there after everyone retires to Casa Bachelor.

Initially I had put an asterisk next to Larry…but he is REALLY creepy in his one-on-one time. I don’t think accidentally ripping Desiree’s dress was a dealbreaker, but his uneasy demeanor definitely was. He also took his glasses off and put them back on at least 5 times during their short conversation.

Jonathan- aka The Fantasy Suite Pervert- also dug his own grave. The initial FS card out of the limo could have been a funny tongue-in-cheek jab at the whole Bachelor series, but he was serious and would not let it go. “I want to get Desiree alone so it’s just the two of us…and then kiss her on the mouth…and then kill her!” Ok I added that last part, but it would not necessarily have felt out of the place during this creepy interlude. “My love tank has not been depleted in years….my mom thinks I’m a good catch.” Uh, what?

Needless to say, Desiree did not bother waiting for the rose ceremony to send this guy packing. I think Hashtag Kasey said it best: #FantasySuiteFail, Jonathan! I also think Jonathan and Fiddy Shades of Crazy from Sean’s season may be soulmates. See you on Bachelor Pad!

Leaving Broken-Hearted

Jonathan- eliminated by stupidity & horniness
Diogo- “I have an explosion of love & feelings to share with someone” #thatswhatshesaid
Larry the Big Dipper
Nick R- magically made himself disappear
 

Bachelorette by the Numbers

 

Number of times the phrase “Like Cinderella” was used: 3
All other fairytale allusions: 10
Years Desiree’s parents have been married: 35
Mike would be 30% more attractive had he retained his English accent.
Larry’s dance dip only failed in 2 out of 50 attempts. Make that 3 out of 51. Hey-o!

 

Awards

Best Hair: Brooks. Duh!
Best Accent: Juan Pablo. Also duh!
Best Angelina Jolie Lips: Robert the sign twirler. It’s a sign!
 

This Season on The Bachelorette:

Someone is not there for the RIGHT REASONS™!!!!!!!!!!!
Will gushes: She radiates! She’s the total package!
Brandon: I’m feeling life-changing feelings! (Well put.)
Fistfights!
Secret girlfriends!
A “lying, cheating, deceitful pig!” ßsaid by secret girlfriend, duh
Betrayal! Lies! BLEEEEEEEEEEEP
Crying
Praying
Fear
Desiree’s Worst Possible Scenario
Kissing around the world
Sandcastles
Nameless male: I’m in love with Des!
Desiree: I always knew I was deserving, but I’ve never felt so loved!
Ben is a villain! We know this because he is wearing the same skinny tank top Ryan the Villain sported during Emily’s season.

James is gunning for the next bachelor, then plays victim card with Des: They’re ganging up on me! WAAAAAHHH
Brooks spouts various motivational poster captions: I don’t want her to lose faith in the good guys that are here!

All this season, on THE BACHELORETTE!

Episode 3: Release the Hyenas!

Disclaimer: I was in the process of moving cross-country, so you can understand why my updates stopped abruptly.

1 on 1: Lesley

I am beginning to see one of the less obvious advantages of being The Bachelorette vs. being a bachelorette on The Bachelor: advance wardrobe planning. Not only was Emily provided a wardrobe budget and the non-Tim Gunn-approved mantra “More sparkles = More better!” she knew what would happen on the dates and could dress accordingly. Both Lesley and AshLee could have used a tiny hint at their respective day’s events, such as:

AshLee, you are going to be walking all day- don’t wear 5” wedge heels.

Lesley, you are going to be on a stage surrounded by people, don’t wear a skirt that is half an inch away from a wardrobe malfunction.

You could almost see the question marks form in thought bubbles overhead as Sean arrives for both dates in über casual V-neck and shorts. Hm.

End of clothing rant…Lesley and Sean are going to the Guinness World Record Museum on Hollywood Boulevard. But they are not merely reading about other’s records (including Sean’s dad!): they will be setting their own record. Wait wha?? What can these two possibly accomplish with ABSolutely no prep time? Kiss awkwardly onscreen for a way too long 3¼ minutes! Ugh. I was hoping ABC might spare us the entire record-breaking footage, but alas the Disney syndicate showed no mercy.

 

Lesley and Sean claimed their biggest obstacle was not smiling, but they muscled through with a somber, austere kiss. I think there have been hotter scenes on Downtown Abbey. For the record (oh yes, pun intended) I would have counted it a victory even if they hadn’t lasted four-ish minutes since Lesley’s skirt managed to keep her assets covered despite Sean’s 8^th grade dance deathgrip.

A little soul-searching, light making out atop a roof somewhere in LA and confetti blasting (Magical Moment™!!!) rounded out the evening. Lesley reveals she was a nerd in high school and would rather hang out with her family & friends than hit the town. Ah, I see she is fluent in Sean’s love language. Sean says they “connected on several different levels.”  But mostly the lips. Rose!

Group Date: Who’s Going to Win My Heart?

A group date with 12 catty women in neon bikinis playing beach volleyball = my nightmare date. The winning team will be allowed to dine with Sean. The losers will be bussed back to the Bachelor Compound with no dinner! So really no one is a winner except for Beach Fun Ken. And me, part of the viewing audience. J

The stakes are raised to unbelievable heights: “This is the MOST important game of my LIFE!” Some of the women seem to have balance issues anyway due to some *ahem* enhancement surgery, so this should be fun. Play ball! I talked to my grandma post-show and her thoughts on the group date: PHOOEY!!! That pretty much sums up the rest of this segment.

One of the teams wins. Again, like the Kissing Record documentation I felt like the volleyball “game” coverage was gratuitous. At the Winners’ Dinner, Bipolar Muppet Amanda and America’s/Sean’s Sweetheart Desiree barely have words and Kaci B is determined to right this nearly nonexistent wrong! No matter if she is involved or not!!

Kaci B: The Informant!

Girls, girls, girls. If we do not study history, we are doomed to repeat it. So repeat offender contestant Kaci B should be the absolute last person to think Sean would appreciate the whistleblower (and not like that gross song by Flo Rida). Kaci takes it upon herself to inform Sean of the feud between Amanda and Desiree. SO many things wrong with this. Let’s count the ways:

1. No bachelor is EVER as appreciative as the woman expects he will be. Don’t get involved in the drama and just be there FOR SEAN. I mean, isn’t this enough for you people?

 

*Side note: the girl that says “I hate drama” is ALWAYS a drama queen.

2. Do not call out a clear frontrunner. (Desiree)
3. Do not drink your weight in cosmos before tackling this self-imploding speech. During Ben’s season, Kaci B was your typical cute, bubbly baton twirler but last night she was looking pretty rough. Don’t drink, kids.
4. Do not voluntarily insert yourself in a bad situation. Catfights are not attractive. Kaci B was not even a coefficient in the Des/Am equation. Why go there?? Props to Sean for calling her out: “Why are you telling me this? Be Kaci, not this crazy person in front of me.” Finally, one with a brain.

1 on 1: AshLee

Poor AshLee. Before she could even make it to her date, she had to deal with Tierror stealing her professionally organized thunder. First Tierror fake-read “…and Selena” – who’s that?? – on AshLee’s date card. Not cool. Sarah called Tierror out on the not cool-ness. When it was actually date time, Ash had to cool her heels while attention-hungry Tierror was pushed hurled herself down the stairs in one of many over-hyped Doses of Drama® courtesy of Tierrable this season. The medics strapped her to a gurney- complete with matching Barbie neckbrace- when she suddenly decided she didn’t want to go to the hospital. Tierrable then magically came back to life, springing nimbly from the gurney. It’s a Bachelor miracle! Sean’s acted dutifully concerned and checked on Tierrable to make sure she was alright. She GOTS to GO, Sean!

When AshLee and Sean finally arrive at their Mystery Date, it is a day at Six Flags with the park to themselves. Well, almost. In another gallant move, Sean has invited two handicapable sisters who have never met in person to share the day with them. The girls emerge from separate limos, hug it out and squeal in a register only heard by dolphins and Justin Bieber-crazed teenage girls. AW.

AshLee, Sean & the girls dance to a private concert by the Eli Young Band, take old-timey photographs and cry over AshLee’s harrowing story of foster homes and eventual adoption by a pastor’s family. Rose!

Mixer/ Rose Ceremony

SoCal Sarah did not have a date this week, but that didn’t mean Sean wasn’t thinking about her. Just as she was about to have a nervous breakdown upon Sean escorting her to the driveway and seeing an approaching limo, out pops…her adorable dog! DaRn you Bachelor for producing real emotions and running up my Kleenex bill!

The rest of the night in soundbites:

Man-stealing mayhem.
Scheming Tierra.
A too-little, too-late repentant Kaci B.

Going home broken-hearted:

KACI B: The Infortmant!
The Model
Health Club Manager- we hardly knew ye.

Next Week

Rock climbing with Selma
Pretty Woman date with ?
Roller derby group date
Private jets, Hummers
Tierror bringing a “plague of bad energy”

 

 

Bachelor Sean: Episode 2

Sarah: Let’s Fall in Love

Beginning the season with a bang is the prerequisite “death-defying/bonding through terror” date. Showing shades of Emily’s NASCAR date, Sarah’s constant war of one arm vs. her sense of adventure vs. California state laws boil to the surface after a forced free-fall off the side of a building. Yeesh, you’re killing me Team Bachelor.

Perfect Sean is able to coax Sarah into taking the plunge (relationship metaphor alert!) by shimmying closer to the edge of their transparent platform until finally flinging themselves to the safety net concrete below. Back on solid ground, they enjoy a candle-lit meal and Sean gives her the rose- and the first legitimate (read: non-drunken bride) kiss of the season.

Group Date: Just Shoot Me!

The ladies coo over Prince Sean as he saunters onto the balcony of a beautiful Southern colonial. The coo-ing turns to squealing after learning they will be posing with Sean for a Harlequin™ romance cover shoot- with a REAL contract deal at stake. Oh yeah, and some alone time with Sean or something.

The ladies dress up as cowgirls, Southern belles, Kardashians and vampires (This is still a thing?? Twilight is over people…let it die! Or turn to dust in the sun or something.)

Politico Lesley is up first and wastes no time planting one on Sean “for art” and happily obliges the other women’s catcalls to rip open his shirt. Well to be fair, five minutes is longer than I thought he’d make it fully clothed with this group.

TiError is acting out her own version of Mean Girls scoffing at Kristy The Model’s hair extensions and irking Robyn and the trapped attentive hair stylists.

Does this look like a sweet girl to you?

She flips the switch for Sean through doubletalk and compliment-fishing, earning a: “I don’t think there’s a catty bone in your body…I could tell you were sweet five minutes after meeting you.”

I'm an excellent judge of character!

Meanwhile, Yogateer Katie- or someone resembling Katie with supersized humidity hair set from Stun to Kill- ponders self-terming because she’s not as aggressive as the other girls.

Kacie B lends an ear, but can barely suppress her excitement as she talks Katie into going home and proceeds to inform The Others. Katie wishes Sean the best on her way out. I am just noticing Kacie B has an almost identical laugh to Sandra Bullock’s Miss Congeniality character.

Naturally Kristy The Model goes on to win the contract, but Sean gives the date rose to Mayor of Friendzone Kacie B for “putting everything on hold to find love.” I’m not feeling the two of them as a couple, but Kacie B provided us the best That's What She Said of the night: “I’m not going to quit because something’s hard and uncomfortable!”  

Desiree: Love is Priceless

On this episode of Punk’d, Sean wants to see if his woman has a good sense of humor…by incriminating her as the destroyer of a piece of art and orchestrating a confrontation with the artist. How fun! This is reminiscent of Ashley H. proving she had a sense of humor by forcing her guys to participate in a roast…of her. Prompting one to ask if the already-insecure Bachelorette actually knew what “roast” meant before agreeing to the infamous ego-shattering, verbal bloodbath that was to follow. Fortunately for Desiree, Sean waltzed in before emotions ran TOO high with ze artiste and she took the “joke” in stride.

The rest of the date consisted of getting’ busy in Sean’s kitchen. Making dinner, that is.

Followed by a little swimming/make-out sesh to round out the evening.

Lest we forget how All-American Sean is, he wore the American flag as swimtrunks in a getup more literal than the Team U.S.A. gear designed by Ralph Lauren™ for our Olympians last summer.

Desiree rocked a purple bikini. In addition to their sartorial statements, the pair marvel at how close they already feel to each other. Rose for Desiree- Captain America approves!

Mixer/ Rose Ceremony

Amanda oscillates between a “dark energy” with the women...

...to Janice the sunny, guitar-playing Muppet with Sean.

Turns out drunk bride Lindsay is completely charming when sober.

“Oh no! I’m developing feelings for EVERYONE!!!” complains Sean. What a dilemma.

Robyn plays the Race Card and pretty much asks Sean if she is wasting her time. Sean seems a little too enthusiastic to answer…it’s as if Team Bachelor is coaching him in response to a lawsuit presented during Emily’s season claiming that the show is too white. Sean goes on to list all of the ethnicities of women he has dated…which comes off more racist than intended: “I LOVE that you’re asking this question! The last girl I dated was black. I’ve dated Hispanics, Persians…”

Life takeaway: taste the rainbow!

Selma teaches Sean something to say in Arabic- he loves it!

I am impressed by the adventurous shades of lipstick the women have chosen tonight.

Leaving Broken-Hearted:

Brooke, community organizer.
Diana, single mom of two.

We hardly knew ye.

Extra Extra!

Need to dump a guy and want someone else to do it for you?

Call The Bachelor Breakup Line!

Bachelor Sean: Episode 1

Welcome back rose lovers! Did anyone catch Ashley & JP’s wedding organza extravaganza? I missed it the first time, but thank GOODNESS it aired again the following weekend. I would have been like, seriously bummed if I couldn’t hear JP’s heart-tugging vows and um, Ashley’s shout-out to her pet Yorkie. Correction: *their pet Yorkie. Eyeroll.

Apparently Sean is also black sometimes.

Following Team Cupcake is a steaming hot plate of beefcake, courtesy of 29-year-old insurance agent Sean Lowe.

I think I speak for all of us when I say “Wow Sean, were you always this buff??” Seriously it’s like he was on the same regimen Taylor Lautner used to quadruple his muscle weight by constantly eating beef patties for a certain embarrassing YA Saga…but I digress.

Ever the gentleman, Sean claims watching Emily’s season air on TV was a cathartic experience and better understood her decision after seeing how strong the connections were with Arie and One F Jef. After some obligatory shirtless shots and pensive gazing into the horizon, Sean announces he is ready for love and hopes to find his wife and he’s only proposing once and it will be forever and all the other things girls LERV to hear.

BRO TALK WITH ARIE

Far and away the most entertaining part of the show (Sorry Sean’s abs, you were a close second!) was a “surprise” visit from Arie. This duo should have its own talk show. Even though there is no way in you-know-where I actually think these two are “friends” as the show suggested, there was still an effortless sense of camaraderie and humor:

Arie: What are your break-up lines? Pretend I’m a girl you’re breaking up with.

Sean: I have to follow my heart…and it’s leading me in another direction.

Arie: That’s not what you said in the Fantasy Suite last night!!

Things got a little awkward when Arie started to show Sean what he should do with his hands during the Kissing Tips With Arie segment. 





It probably wouldn’t hurt anything for every man to take Arie’s advice. And then take some notes. OK kissing guru, take your beer in a glass and get outta here because it’s time to…

MEET OUR BACHELORETTES!

FIDDY SHADES

Before I could finish thinking “Boy, I hope they find some nice girls for Sean,” out comes 50 Shades of Crazy retrieving a grey tie from her décolletage (klassy!) while our virtuous Bachelor’s look of equal parts confusion and terror says it all.

THE MODEL

Exuding confidence and sporting GIANT 80’s hair to spare, the self-proclaimed “Best from the Midwest” is surprisingly NOT the most divisive figure in the house…

TIERRA

When a girl’s name is pronounced not the way it’s spelled but like a princess’ crown, that may an indicator for DRAMA QUEEN. And boy do we have one based on the season overview at episode’s end. 

TiAra comes off all sugar and spice in her spotlight package and limo introduction, but eventually she’s going to become the house’s Resident Evil, turn the girls against each other, fall and/or be pushed down the stairs and taken away in an ambulance- wow! I’ve got to admit, the stairs bit was setting off my Michelle Money Mystery Black Eye BS-ometer™.

Tensions flared on night one when Sean immediately gifts TiError a rose. Indeed Sean’s unorthodox dispersal of roses sent the womenfolk into a tizzy. He was rosing girls left and right, leaving some to wonder if there would even be any left for a rose ceremony. Turns out, he was following his gut (another tidbit from Yoda Arie) and handing out roses accordingly. After a few other “ladies” had been rosed, the cattier ones asked TiError if her First Impression Rose really meant anything. Way to keep it klassy, girls.

SARAH

This girl hasn’t let having one arm slow her down. Or keep her from picking up the brain-numbing SoCal monotone parodied on SNL’s soap-spoof The Californians.

A DRUNK BRIDE

Worries Sean might misinterpret her “goofball” sense of humor as…just a goof. Wishes she was “more sober.” 

Whatever, carpe diem! Or in this case, carpe the bottle! You only will be on The Bachelor once. 

Oh wait….

WEDDING CONSULTANT

I like this girl. She seems nice and relatively normal.

A BAREFOOT HIPPIE

Yoga instructor with wild crazy-curly hair, natch.

SOMEONE WHO TRIES A BACKFLIP

Backflip + restrictive dress = falling on the Bachelor driveway!

WOMAN WITH INDETERMINABLE ACCENT

Answers to "Barbie."

KACI B. IN DA HOUSE!

Everyone was mad at baton twirler extraordinaire Kaci B. for…being there. I’m not sure what advantage she actually had over other straight-up randos aside from perhaps accidentally spilling a white wine spritzer on Sean at a Bachelor party or some other generically bland meet-cute.

EVERYONE ELSE IS NAMED ASHLEY

NO ROSE FOR YOU!

• Cruise ship entertainer crying over singing embarrassing song. Um…isn’t that what you do for a living? Just for the record: Any potential suitors who mentioned sweet tea in a showtune-style song would be A-OK in my book!
• I actually liked the girl that got kicked off in the blue gradient dress aka Paige aka the girl from BACHELOR PAD.
• Fiddy Shades, get outta here! Flashes the camera in looooong, drunken exit interview. Only the best for Sean.

Here's to love!