Chris: Chicago
Chris tells the camera that he is first-generation Polish and on a
scale of 1 to Polish, they’re Polish. Speak it, dance it, live it! 
Dad tells
Emily “[Chris] would not only love you, but support you” while Mom simply tells
Chris to “kick @$$!” and “I love you with all my heart” in Polish. AW. 
Chris got Emily flowers and they polka-ed the night away. He tells her he is in love with her and describes their parting kiss as “perfection.”
 |
| Wow you look great! And TOTALLY dressed appropriately for what we'll be doing today! |
Jef: St. George, Utah
Jef With One F is not as city as
y’all might think. Their day at his picture-perfect ranch begins with four-wheeling
and skeet shooting. And just when it looks like Jef is impressing Emily with his mad shooting skillz, our single mom has a trick up her sleeve: gun lessons!
 |
| Wha-wha-WHAT?! |
 |
| Gotcha! |
There are roughly five thousand Jef relatives wandering the grounds and Emily
is nervous to meet them all. The only one she really has to worry about is Big
Brother Steve who wonders if the two are fundamentally the same. Noticeably
absent are Jef’s parents attending to “charity work” in South Carolina. After braving the fam on the farm, Jef and Emily steal away to a picturesque mountaintop where Jef can voice the poem in his heart, which left both Emily and me a little teary. But enough emotions, let’s go to the track!
Arie: Pheonix
Emily can say “I don’t know anything about Indy car!” as much as she wants, but I’ll never believe it.
What I do believe is Arie emerging from the car in full track gear, helmet in hand.
 |
| STUPID HAWT |
After the Arie heatwave bundle up rose lovers, and prepare for a cold European front.
 |
| Haha...this isn't awkward |
Mother Meike is
definitely the most resistant member of the family until Emily somehow
convinces her that what she loves most about Arie is his sense of humor.
 |
| Sense of humor in action |
...Yeah,
one thing I've really noticed is Arie's great sense of humor.
 |
| Can I get a translator?? |
I thought it was rude to speak
Dutch in front of Emily, but highly effective if you are looking to alienate
any non-speaking guests.
Despite the awkwardness, Arie
vows he is going to marry Emily as the Bachelorette van whisks her away.
Sean: Dallas
On the opposite end of the welcome-wagon
spectrum is Sean’s family: the picture of downhome Southern hospitality.
Although with this house, you know it can’t be TOO downhome. 
 |
| Cheers to perfect me! |
Emily reiterates what we all have
been led to believe about Sean: he is wholesome, well-rounded and practically
perfect in every way.
But who knew he was funny too?
Just when it looked like the universal Oh No-No of living with your parents as an adult had been committed...
 |
| Maybe we can live in Ricki's Dream House? |
 |
| Oh HECK no! |
(complete with named stuffed animals and fresh milk
and cookies)
...Sean pulled a Gotcha!
Just kidding!
Of course Sean
wouldn’t live at home. Or eat armadillo roasts.
Getting back to the heart of the
matter- ABC synergy- Dad acknowledges that “something magical™ is going on”
because Sean is being much more open. 
When Emily leaves in the getaway van,
Sean sticks to his Streetcar Named Desire
motif yelling EMILY!!! and running after her. If you know what you want in life,
sometimes you just gotta run after the van.
Rose Ceremony
After debriefing with Chris
Harrison, The Other Chris was the one leaving with his ego shattered this week.
“Emily made me a believer in love again...and then broke my heart.” 
Next Week
Romantic overnight dates in
mystical Curacao
Every emotion under the sun:
Guilt! Fear! Sadness! DOLPHINS!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment