Clueless in Curacao
Dimples
After braving the relentless
questioning of the ‘rents (or in Sean’s case, perfect ‘rents), the men are
rewarded with fabulous Overnight Dates – wink wink – in romantic Curacao.
Dimples’ only flaw so far is that he is the only man left who has not confessed
his undying love. Sean and Emily head off for some quality time on their own
private island, Klein Curacao. Sean talks about his ex-girlfriend and how he
just wasn’t that into her even though marriage was on the table at one point.
Sean tiptoes and beats all around the L Word with yummy-but-not-quite-satisfying
bon mots like “I’ll be your soccer dad” and a poem to Little Ricki that
Hallmark would kill for until finally
arriving at the big I. LOVE. YOU. YES!!!
Now Emily feels comfortable
asking if Sean sees engagement at the end of their love tunnel: yes, yes of
course Genetic Gift Sean does. The Fantasy Suite card is offered and – through careful
phrasing – the implications associated with Fantasy Island are politely
declined. How refreshing! But still a little making out. I don’t know about
you, but I am digging this kinder, gentler season of Bachelorette.
Hair
Jimmy Neutron and Emily brave the
high winds to go boating near Klein Kip Beach. They are compatible in so many
ways: they both want to be/love being parents, like jumping off boats and are
having hair issues. If only Jef could master the same fashionable yet
functional bang-braid. In between
gale-force winds, Jef has some heavy questions for our Bachelorette:
1. Where
do you want to live?
Em: Anywhere you
are.
2. You’re
amazing. You attract amazing guys.
Why hasn’t it worked out?
Em: They were
missing the X factor
3. Do
you think I’m a good fit for Ricki?
Em: A perfect fit!
Both knew going in that they would
decline the Fantasy Suite card, but Emily was still a little miffed that Hair
turned her down first.
Lips
Emily in voiceover: With Arie, it
was immediate attraction…
Me:…Well let’s get to that
Fantasy Suite then! Oh wait a minute- they actually need to talk? Hm ok…
Emily: What do you do on a
typical Tuesday morning?
know, totally responsible parent-y stuff.
Emily: How would you approach
child-rearin’?
Me: Why is this only coming up
NOW?!
Arie: I would befriend them, you
know, not try to establish any boundaries or authority.
Emily: What great answers. Let’s
make out!
This was basically all of the
spoken dialogue on the date. The rest was *ahem* body language.
There were also some dolphins involved, which TERRIFIED Emily. Arie was very “protective” and extended a svelte racecar shoulder for support.
Previews kept teasing a HUGE
DRAMA: someone would NOT be offered the Fantasy Suite card. Emily did not trust
herself enough – and there’s no way Arie would have objected like our other gentlemen
– to even offer him the FS card, so she did not even mention it. Sigh, all of
this so-called “drama” this season’s Bachelorette
keeps faking me out with does not give me high hopes for “the most dramatic
finale ever.”
 |
I had just texted my friend on what great clothes
Emily has worn. And then she does this. |
Debriefing with Chris Harrison
Chris is noticeably sans wedding
ring.
Hometown dates did not bring the
clarity Emily hoped they would.
She has a difficult decision.
Like every week.
Video Messages
SEAN
Cynical about the process but now
can confidently say he is in love. Can’t see himself living without Emily and/or
Ricki. (One more time, in case you missed it) I LOVE YOU!!!
JEF
Completely in love with Emily; she’s
everything he hoped to find. Can’t wait to be a family and watch a thousand
sunsets. What a poet.
ARIE
Lists all of the places they’ve
made out. It all began with a carousel kiss, which begot a crush, which begot
LOVE. My heart is always racing towards you. You make me more confident. You
are beautiful inside and out and I can’t wait to remind you of that every day.
Rose Ceremony
Roses for Hair…and Lips!
Aaaahhh!!! Poor Sean! I honestly thought this would be the end of Speed Racer’s
journey. Sean is forced to take the walk of shame with Emily and rehash the bomb
that was just dropped against a nicely-staged street corner. Sean remains the
consummate gentleman and quietly offers, “If this is what’s best for you, then
it’s what I want.”
When Emily walked out tonight, I
thought there’s my wife. It hurts more than I can describe. I’m feeling so many
things: sadness, embarrassment. My thoughts this week were consumed with being
a father and husband.
If only the power of positive
thinking were enough. I can not stress how surprised I was that Sean was not in
the final two.
The Men Tell ALL!
Kalon Konfrontation
Ryan still thinks he’s The One
Chris and Sean = heartbroken
