Episode 5: A Foggy Day in Londontown

Welcome to London!

Date 1: Sean

Pip pip, tip of the hat, cheerio and all that. We are in jolly old England...which despite all stereotypes is enjoying some marvelous sunny weather. Emily and Sean are hitting the touristy heavyweights: spying the London Eye, Parliament, Big Ben...and what's that? Speaker's Corner?? A place where I can actually get ON my soapbox and everyone HAS to listen to me??? Sean can not pass up the opportunity to wax poetic on the loveliness of love and explain for the hundredth time how in love his parents and grandparents are and what great role models they have been and WHAT IS LOVE?!

Emily dispenses London fun facts at each of the locations...The Bachelorette: fun AND slightly educational! But definitely more fun as Sean and Emily spot the balcony where Will kissed Kate (twice!) on their wedding and decide to recreate it. Well except for the wedding part anyway.

Jet-setting with a child, dating a million different guys and maintaining a hectic filming schedule unfortunately left Emily under the weather, so by the time the dynamic duo reached their dinner at the Tower of London, Emily had about lost her voice.

She croaked to the camera "Sean will be my prisoner of love!" Aren't all of the men basically her prisoners of love though?

Sean continues to be awesome and have all the right answers through dinner earning him the Emily stamp of approval: "He is marriage material!" Rose, natch.

Group Date: Shakespeare in Love

Shakespeare's Memorial Theatre

Finally we're about to see the much-hyped implosion of the 'Ricki as baggage' comment. But first, some light-hearted skewering of Shakespearean classic Romeo and Juliet - in the Bard's hometown of Stratford-Upon-Avon no less.

Nurse Arie

Doug and Arie are assigned the female nurse role and ham it up.

 Kalon tells Emily to BEAT IT. She's interrupting his rehearsal and- according to him- he is in his element.

Ryan finagles a second kiss, acting out a scene from the Abridged Version of Romeo and Juliet* as taught at the Kalon School of Villainy and Luxury Brands. The other men helplessly watch from the wings, cooling their heels.

On to the afterparty! And by afterparty, I mean unlimited pints and making out with Arie.  J  Ryan sequesters Emily in a curtained room and pulls a turquoise necklace out of his pants...which she (surprisingly) loves! She gushes that it's her favorite color/ stone. Oh Emily.

Meanwhile a storm's a-brewin. The men plot to throw Kalon under the bus of his own words (first stop: Pack Your Baggageville) because he is not there for the right reasons and just terrible in general. Single Dad Doug is the bearer of bad news and Emily wastes no time in *ahem* excusing Kalon (GET THE F*** OUT!!!).

Instead of being grateful for the Kalon intel like they anticipated, the remaining men were chewed out by Emily for not having her back. If they were wise, the guys would realize that when Emily refers to herself, she actually means Ricki. So you best be boarding the babytrain gentlemen. Emily ditches the party, forgoes rose duty and takes a couple laps around the pub to keep from going "backwoods West Virginia hoodrat crazy."

Date 2: Jef With One F

Jef With One F draws the short straw and is the first man to face the Emily vs. Kalon vs. All Men aftermath. Not only that, his "date" is actually an etiquette lesson from professional third wheel/tea hostess Jean at Chesick House. Who wouldn't like that? Um, everyone! Including Emily and Jef, who ditch the tea house in favor of pints at the pub.

Jef raises his glass "To Ricki" and concludes, if she's baggage, she's a Chloe handbag I want to keep forever. AW. Of course, this begs the question: how does Jef know what a Chloe handbag is?? First the knee-length blue socks, then the skinny jeans and now the Chloe handbag. This hipster just keeps getting hipper. He is hip enough to get the rose at least, which is all that counts. Well, that and true love. I guess.

P.S. Jef finally gets a kiss!

Rose Ceremony

Bachelorette Fun Fact:
Sean once competed in a bodybuilding contest...
thank you Internet!

It came down to Arie vs. Alejandro and although Arie was in hot water for withholding anti-Ricki information, Emily decided to keep the PDA-happy racecar driver. Adios Alejandro!

Next Week

Croatia
Ryan is Kalon’s heir apparent
Why is Travis still here?
Arie goes home maybe???
Is anyone here for the right reasons?!?!