Episode 12: After the Final Rose

Wow! Was that a great season or what?

Think WAY back to the previous cycle. Remember how terrible Ben’s season was?

Naked skiing in San Francisco. 

Questionable morals.

Questionable hair. 

The all-too-predictable triumph of a self-absorbed, self-proclaimed “winning” model.

Media-covered fallout of engagements won and lost and won again as it turned out the model really was too good to be true.

So I say again, I LOVED Emily’s season of The Bachelorette! It was refreshing to see restraint regarding the Fantasy Suites. I remember being shocked – SHOCKED! – as a high schooler watching Alex Michel’s FS “overnight dates” during the inaugural season of The Bachelor and this season redeemed my faith in the franchise...mere moments before it was completely shattered by Bachelor Pad. [Seriously, do NOT watch Bachelor Pad! I think the diseases on exhibit can be contracted through your television.]

The bulk of drama on this very special episode of ATFR centers around Arie. He had a very difficult time moving on and actually flew out to Charlotte to see Emily. When he arrived however, “it didn’t feel right,” so he turned around and flew back to Phoenix. What did feel right was leaving his journal from taping (it's a journal- NOT a diary!) on an engaged woman’s doorstep across the country. Not creepy at all. Apparently Arie was also calling Emily to the point that Jef had to step in and say “Lay off my woman!”

Not really. The ever-classy One F Jef  (half of this season's Arie/Jef BFF bromance, a deviation of the Ben F/Constantine Original Recipe) called Arie to smooth things over and now they talk periodically on the phone and are back to BFFy status. Jef is such a gentleman, no matter how much his hair attempts to upstage all other qualities. And for the record, Arie says he and Emily didn’t just make out all the time…it’s just that all of their deep conversations were edited out. Uh-huh. Yeah. Editing...that was it. 

Perhaps he, Ryan and all other previously inaccurately portrayed Bachelor contestants could form their own version of the Justice League.

After Emily is brought out, Chris Harrison asks the perfunctory prompt:

Arie, are there any questions you have for Emily?

Arie says not really. It is anti-climactic UNTIL…

Emily: I brought something for you. It’s your journal. I told Jef about it. I did not read it out of respect to Jef and our relationship.

Arie [deflated]: Thanks.

Jef and Emily make their first televised appearance as a couple and admit to sneaking around for a few dates in the interim.

Chris Harrison: Well what’s the first thing you’d like to do as a couple?

THIS!

Jef reveals that he wasn’t nervous about proposing and never thought that she would say no. Future plans involve Jef moving to Charlotte (living in a separate house) a wedding in Charleston and humanitarian work building wells in Africa.

Team JEM!

Episode 11: Arie vs. One F Jef

Bye Sean!

Wasn’t the Men Tell All  (or nothing at aaaaallll!!! Any O-Town fans? Just the high-school version of me?) fun? Fine it wasn’t, but at least we established that everyone loves Sean, no one loves Kalon (outside the debaucherous Bachelor Pad anyway) and we got the extra dose of crazy we didn’t know we wanted from returning Gypsy King Alessandro. Continuing the Emily Journey of Love Tour, it appears the tribe has spoken and Sean was whisked away from Fantasy Island leaving the remaining two suitors to fight to the death in mystical Curacao. And by fight to the death, I mean meet Emily’s family.

One F Jef: Meet the Parents

Let’s meet contestant #1! Jef is a hip water company CEO and philanthropist from Utah looking to settle down and share hair products with that special someone.

Jef meets Emily’s parents, her brother Ernie and Ernie’s mute fiancé. Jef brings flowers for Emily’s mother and Mute Fiancé, but none for Emily. I guess he is her flower. 

Jef asks Papa Maynard for his permission to marry Emily because it is very important to him and he would not propose without PM’s blessing. The family is WOWed! And it wasn’t just by the electric blue skinny jeans. I am alarmed at how quickly this episode is progressing- something’s up! Is it bad I thought the family referring to Ricky Hendrick as “Big Ricky” is funny?

 

 

Arie: Meet the Parents

One F is going to be a tough act to follow as Papa Maynard ominously confesses to the camera: “I don’t even know why we’re going through the motions today.” Good luck Arie! Try not to speak only in Dutch! Or RAMBLE. Apparently Arie is a Ramblin' Rose and runs his mouth when he gets nervous- in this case offering dubious fishing advice to Papa Maynard and Ernie, both of whom I suspect are expert fisherman by their barely suppressed eyerolls.

Arie redeems himself- with the womenfolk anyway- by producing a box of all the rose boutonnieres he has been given throughout the season. AW. Ernie is more skeptical in his alone time with Arie, but is won over after Arie reveals he has dated a single mom before. Papa Maynard hesitantly offers his blessing to Arie.

Emily was hoping there would be a more obvious choice, but her family deflects by saying both men are wonderful.

Papa Maynard: You can’t be in love with two people at the same time!

Mama Suzie (ROCKIN’ a one-sleeved red mini): I’d encourage you to wait on any engagement. This will be very confusing for Ricki.

Brother Ernie: If you don’t know who to pick by now, I certainly can’t tell you.

Mute Fiancé: [Crickets chirping]

Jef: Last Chance...for Romance!
 Jef’s M.O. for this date is to meet Ricki. He is gunning to propose and finds it odd that he has not met the most important person in Emily’s life yet.

Jef: I want to meet Ricki. I’ve been preparing my whole life to be a good dad.

Emily: I don’t know. Like, it’s weird. No not weird, but…I introduced her to Brad and felt guilty after it didn’t work out.

Jef: Put yourself in my shoes. She could be my stepdaughter.

Emily:…You’re right. Let’s go meet Ricki.

ADORABLEness ensued as Jef won over Ricki by acting impressed with her pool tricks, complimenting/wearing her cool pink goggles and letting her push him in the pool. The three splashed around and really looked like a cute little family.

Ricki is sent to bed and Emily and One F change for dinner. One F gifts her with a Curacao 360 book, which he has augmented with stick figure drawings of them enjoying different Curacao attractions. The pair looks like a couple in a real relationship, as they peruse the book and joke around- as opposed to Arie, which appears to be a purely physical relationship. This should be interesting.

Debriefing with Chris Harrison

Usually this happens after both Last Chance dates, so something IS up!

Emily: I know I’m going to pick Jef. [BOMB!]

But how do I even start the rejection conversation with Arie??

CH:      If this is the decision you’ve made, you need to be true to yourself…

You’s on your own grrrl! Seacrest out.

Arie: Last Chance…Forever!

Oh evil Bachelor producers, why must you force Arie to concoct a love potion while he waits for Emily’s rejection?? Upon gathering her belongings and safely exiting the Rejection Van of Doom, Arie slathers Emily with the freshly-made love potion and a seductive: “I’m supposed to rub it on your arms and legs.” Before anything gets beyond PG however, our Bachelorette dissolves into a puddle of tears.

Emily: Let’s sit down for a minute.

Arie: Sure- are you ok? What is it?? What’s wrong Boo???

Em: Everyone yesterday loved you. I always thought it would be me and you…[trails off]

As realization sets in, Arie pulls an emotional 180 and stomps off through the jungle with Emily in tow: ARIE!!!

Arie [spinning on his heel]: You’re not going to get the goodbye you wanted. I don’t know what to say. Thank you for sparing me from the ceremony tomorrow.

Emily cries it out, but pulls herself together knowing she will be reunited with her Prince Charming tomorrow.

In the Reject Van, Arie vents:

I give more than I get. I deserve a nice person. I was so sure of us- it’s unreal that it’s over. I feel so stupid…so naïve.

HUGE difference between Arie’s terse departure and Sean’s gracious one last week.

The Dress

The Ring

The Proposal

Emily: You are everything I ever wanted. You are my soulmate. I love you SO much!

Jef: After talking to your brother, he said you felt like giving up on love…but I’m so glad you didn’t because I found my everything.

And as Peter Cetera’s tenor soared triumphantly in power ballad Glory of Love, Little Ricki ran out to the proposal stage as if on cue and the three walked hand-in-hand into the superimposed Curacao sunset. *TEARS*

Final Notes

 

I love it when the happy couple has a theme song…but only if it makes sense. For example, if Chris had been the last man standing [shudder] a Luke Bryan song would be appropriate.

And while I adore Glory of Love and many other cheesy songs, I am no One F Jef. For him, they should have chosen something hipper, like We Are Young by Fun:

That being said, it looks like this is the real deal and I hope Emily and Jef defy the Bachelor couple odds. Congratulations!